They say your 20’s are suppose to be your “selfish years,” right? (Referring to the quote below…)
“Your twenties are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”
— Kyoko Escamilla
I always thought this was a cute quote from pop culture. But now at 26 years of age, I’m realizing how critical this is. I need to take time for myself. To nourish myself.
It’s instinctual for me to always consider the other person’s point of view in most situations. (Honestly, empathy is so goddamn rare, that I’m not marking this as a fault, but rather a strength of mine).
However, I got to a point where my consideration for another person took up so much of my mental and emotional energy that it completely drained me.
I became so caught up in analyzing someone else and the reasons behind their actions, that I completely disregarded how the situation was affecting me, personally. This consumed the better part of my year, and I didn’t quite understand the effects of this “emotional leak” until the end of 2018.
So at the start of 2019, I made the decision to put myself and my wellbeing FIRST.
I’m not saying this will be easy for me, because well, I find it entirely unnatural. But I’ve committed to doing whatever I can to adopt this mindset — especially because I only have 4 more of these “selfish years” left! 🙂
As a reminder to recognize my self-worth, and only accept the love I deserve, here’s a piece of writing by Marisa Donnelly that I immediately connected with:
I don’t want to be your sometimes.
I don’t want whatever this modern dating is, whatever the world labels half-love, half-assed, non-commitment, because I don’t want to waste time with someone who isn’t all in.
I don’t want casual. I want something real.
I want to fall in love with someone who wants to learn every part of me, who asks about my past and wonders about my future, who lays down and listens to the stories that run through my mind. I want to fall in love with someone who is curious, who wants to discover parts of me I didn’t know I was hiding, and unfold his secrets out to me, one by one.
I want to fall in love with someone who isn’t scared to fall.
Someone who knows what he wants, and knows that he wants us. Who isn’t too afraid to step forward, to reach for my hand, to claim me as his.
I want to fall in love with someone who is passionate.Someone who won’t settle for only seeing me from ‘time to time’ or when he’s bored, but someone who will initiate plans as much as I will. Who won’t back out last minute. Who won’t just call when it’s late at night and he’s a few drinks in.
I want to fall in love with someone who wants to grow—with me, alongside me, together. Someone who is continually journeying with me, not afraid to try new things, to mess up, to give his whole self to me without regret.
I don’t want a relationship that can’t be labeled, a connection that has no commitment or promise of a future. I want someone whose heart I can hold.
I don’t want casual. I don’t want random dates or hookups. I don’t want moments that are only beautiful when we’re together, but quickly forgotten when we’re apart. I don’t want to be an option. I don’t want to be just a number in a call log, just another text on phone screen.I want something that matters, something that’s special, something that’s filled with affection and care that goes far beyond the physical.
I want promises and a future.
I want together, committed, passionate.
I want love.
I want real.
Marissa Donnelly
P.S. Thank you, Landen, for agreeing to do my shoot! You are AH-MAZ-ING!! (Check out more of his awesomeness here).